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A shady-looking guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy smiles and leaves.
The barber looks ...
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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's pro...
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A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your femal...
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A jock and a geek applying for the same job.
The boss said, "Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job."
So they took the test and the next day they came back to see who the boss chose. "Well," he said, "Both of you got the same score except I'm going to choose the geek."
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A yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"
"You yuppies are ...
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